Jean Paul

"The more sand that has escaped from the hourglass of our life, the clearer we should see through it." - Jean Paul

Woody Allen

"Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it."
- Woody Allen

George Bernard Shaw

"The worst sin toward our fellow creatures is not to hate them, but to be indifferent to them: that's the essense of inhumanity."
- George Bernard Shaw

John F. Kennedy

"Every time that we try to lift a problem from our own shoulders, and shift that problem to the hands of the government, to the same extent we are sacrificing the liberties of our people."
- John F. Kennedy

Groucho Marx

All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.
- Groucho Marx

Ayn Rand

"There are only two means by which men can deal with one another: guns or logic. Force or persuasion. Those who know that they cannot win by means of logic, have always resorted to guns."
- Ayn Rand

Rabindranath Tagore

"A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it."
- Rabindranath Tagore

Abraham Lincoln

"although volume upon volume is written to prove slavery is a very good thing, we never hear of the man who wishes to take the good of it, by being a slave himself."
- Abraham Lincoln

Socrates

"Bad men live that they may eat and drink, whereas good men eat and drink that they may live."
- Socrates

Jerry Garcia

"Somebody has to do something, and it's just incredibly pathetic that it has to be us."
- Jerry Garcia

William Makepeace Thackeray

"The world is a looking glass, and gives back to every man the reflection of his own face. Frown at it and it will in turn look sourly upon you; laugh at it and with it, and it is a jolly kind companion."
- William Makepeace Thackeray

Confucious

It is easy to hate and it is difficult to love. This is how the whole scheme of things works. All good things are difficult to achieve; and bad things are very easy to get.
- Confucious

Olin Miller

"You probably wouldn't worry about what people think of you if you could know how seldom they do."
- Olin Miller

Steven Wright

I got my driver's license photo taken out of focus on purpose. Now when I get pulled over the cop looks at it (moving it nearer and farther, trying to see it clearly)...and says, "Here, you can go."
- Steven Wright

Plato

"Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished by being governed by those who are dumber."
- Plato

Thomas Paine

"What we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly: it is dearness only that gives every thing its value."
- Thomas Paine

Jay Leno

With hurricanes, tornados, fires out of control, mud slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one end to another, and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks, "Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?
- Jay Leno

Eleanor Roosevelt

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

Dave Edison

"I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets."
- Dave Edison

Naguib Mahfouz

"You can tell whether a man is clever by his answers. You can tell whether a man is wise by his questions."
- Naguib Mahfouz

Ogden Nash

"You're only young once, but you can be immature indefinitely."
- Ogden Nash

Damon Runyon

“One of these days in your travels, a guy is going to come up to you and show you a nice brand-new deck of cards on which the seal is not yet broken, and this guy is going to offer to bet you that he can make the Jack of Spades jump out of the deck and squirt cider in your ear. But, son, do not bet this man, for as sure as you are standing there, you are going to end up with an earful of cider.”
- Damon Runyon

Elayne Boosler

"I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three."
- Elayne Boosler

Daniel Webster

"There is no nation on earth powerful enough to accomplish our overthrow. Our destruction, should it ever come at all, will be from another quarter. From the inattention of the people to the concerns of their government, from their carelessness and negligence."
- Daniel Webster

Spencer Tracy

"I lose my temper, but it's all over in a minute," said the student. "So is the hydrogen bomb," I replied. "But think of the damage it produces!"
- Spencer Tracy

Colonel Sanders

"There's no reason to be the richest man in the cemetery. You can't do any business from there."
- Colonel Sanders

Samuel Johnson

"When a man says he had pleasure with a woman he does not mean conversation."
- Samuel Johnson

Francois de La Rouchefoucauld

"Why is it that our memory is good enough to retain the least triviality that happens to us, and yet not good enough to recollect how often we have told it to the same person?"
- Francois de La Rouchefoucauld

Woody Allen

“I was born into the Hebrews, but as I got older, I converted to narcissism.”
- Woody Allen

Sophocles

"The ideal condition would be, I admit, that men should be right by instinct; - but since we are all likely to go astray, the reasonable thing is to learn from those who can teach."
- Sophocles