H L Mencken

The urge to save humanity is almost always only a false-face for the urge to rule it.
- H L Mencken

Ambrose Bierce

Bore, n. A person who talks when you wish him to listen.
- Ambrose Bierce

Lynn Lavner

The Bible contains six admonishments to homosexuals and 362 admonishments to heterosexuals. That doesn't mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals. It's just that they need more supervision.
- Lynn Lavner

Yogi Berra

Nobody goes there anymore. It's too crowded.
- Yogi Berra

Lord Chesterfield

"Know the true value of time; snatch, seize, and enjoy every moment of it. No idleness; no laziness; no procrastination; never put off till tomorrow what you can do today."
- Lord Chesterfield

Abraham Lincoln

America will never be destroyed from the outside. If we falter and lose our freedoms, it will be because we destroyed ourselves.
- Abraham Lincoln

Robert de Niro

“According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful. ”
- Robert de Niro

Buddha

Your worst enemy cannot harm you as much
as your own unguarded thoughts.
- Buddha

George Bernard Shaw

England and America are two countries separated by the same language.
- George Bernard Shaw

Rita Rudner

Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.
- Rita Rudner

Douglas MacArthur

You are remembered for the rules you break.
- Douglas MacArthur

Albert Pike

What we have done for ourselves alone dies with us; what we have done for others and the world remains and is immortal.
- Albert Pike

Friedrich Nietzsche

Ah, women. They make the highs higher and the lows more frequent.
- Friedrich Nietzsche

Winston Churchill

"I am always ready to learn although I do not always like being taught."
- Winston Churchill

Irish Blessing

May your blessings outnumber
The shamrocks that grow,
And may trouble avoid you
Wherever you go.
- Irish Blessing

Al Capp

Any place that anyone can learn something useful from someone with experience is an educational institution.
- Al Capp

Jack Nicholson

Well, a younger woman is a type, but not necessarily a type for me. And what is a younger woman? I mean, I'm pretty old. Almost everyone is younger.
- Jack Nicholson

Steven Wright

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
- Steven Wright

Warren Beatty

Movies are fun, but they're not a cure for cancer.
- Warren Beatty

Oscar Levant

There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.
- Oscar Levant

Publilius Syrus

It is folly to punish your neighbor by fire when you live next door.
- Publilius Syrus

Leonardo da Vinci

Life is pretty simple: You do some stuff. Most fails. Some works. You do more of what works. If it works big, others quickly copy it. Then you do something else. The trick is the doing something else.
- Leonardo da Vinci

Andy Rooney

Men wake up aroused in the morning. We can't help it. We just wake up and we want you. And the women are thinking, "How can he want me the way I look in the morning?" It's because we can't see you. We have no blood anywhere near our optic nerve.
- Andy Rooney

Alexander Pope

A man should never be ashamed to own he has been in the wrong, which is but saying, in other words, that he is wiser today than he was yesterday.
- Alexander Pope

John MacNaughton

Maturity begins to grow when you can sense your concern for others outweighing your concern for yourself.
- John MacNaughton

Dorothy Parker

I'm never going to be famous. My name will never be writ large on the roster of Those Who Do Things. I don't do any thing. Not one single thing. I used to bite my nails, but I don't even do that any more.
- Dorothy Parker

John F. Kennedy

We must never forget that art is not a form of propaganda; it is a form of truth.
- John F. Kennedy

Ayn Rand

God... a being whose only definition is that he is beyond man's power to conceive.
- Ayn Rand

Woody Allen

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.
- Woody Allen

Mahatma Gandhi

You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty.
- Mahatma Gandhi

Mark Twain

I am technically "boss" of the family which I am carrying along--but I am grateful to know that it is only technically--that the real authority rests on the other side of the house. It is placed there by a beneficent Providence, who foresaw before I was born, or, if he did not, he has found it out since--that I am not in any way qualified to travel alone.
- Mark Twain