Dennis Miller

Never ever discount the idea of marriage. Sure, someone might tell you that marriage is just a piece of paper. Well, so is money, and what's more life-affirming than cold, hard cash?
- Dennis Miller

Ambrose Bierce

To be positive is to be mistaken at the top of one's voice.
- Ambrose Bierce

Karl Marx

The production of too many useful things results in too many useless people.
- Karl Marx

Michelangelo

If people knew how hard I worked to get my mastery, it wouldn't seem so wonderful at all.
- Michelangelo

Jayne Mansfield

I do know that God created us equal and we're not living up to it.
- Jayne Mansfield

C. S. Lewis

A man can no more diminish God's glory by refusing to worship Him than a lunatic can put out the sun by scribbling the word, 'darkness' on the walls of his cell.
- C. S. Lewis

George Bernard Shaw

A little learning is a dangerous thing, but we must take that risk because a little is as much as our biggest heads can hold.
- George Bernard Shaw

Leonardo da Vinci

The noblest pleasure is the joy of understanding.
- Leonardo da Vinci

Ogden Nash

An occasional lucky guess as to what makes a wife tick is the best a man can hope for; even then, no sooner has he learned how to cope with the tick than she tocks.
- Ogden Nash

Thomas More

If honor were profitable, everybody would be honorable.
- Thomas More

Albert Pike

Almost all the noblest things that have been achieved in the world, have been achieved by poor men; poor scholars, poor professional men, poor artisans and artists, poor philosophers, poets, and men of genius.
- Albert Pike

Peter O'Toole

"The only exercise I take is walking behind the coffins of friends who took exercise."
- Peter O'Toole

Lucius Annaeus Seneca

Death is the wish of some, the relief of many, and the end of all.
- Lucius Annaeus Seneca

ee cummings

I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
- ee cummings

Abigail Van Buren

Wisdom doesn't automatically come with old age. Nothing does - except wrinkles. It's true, some wines improve with age. But only if the grapes were good in the first place.
- Abigail Van Buren

Joseph Heller

Maybe a long life does have to be filled with many unpleasant conditions, if it's to seem long. But in that event, who wants one.
- Joseph Heller

Robert Frost

A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain.
- Robert Frost

Gore Vidal

Any American who is prepared to run for president should automatically, by definition, be disqualified from ever doing so.
- Gore Vidal

William F. Buckley, Jr.

I would like to electrocute everyone who uses the word "fair" in connection with income tax policies.
- William F. Buckley, Jr.

John Steinbeck

It has always seemed strange to me...The things we admire in men, kindness and generosity, openness, honesty, understanding and feeling, are the concomitants of failure in our system. And those traits we detest, sharpness, greed, acquisitiveness, meanness, egotism and self-interest, are the traits of success. And while men admire the quality of the first they love the produce of the second.
- John Steinbeck

Abraham Lincoln

And in the end it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years.
- Abraham Lincoln

Erma Bombeck

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.
- Erma Bombeck

Benjamin Franklin

"Those have a short Lent, who owe money to be paid at Easter."
- Benjamin Franklin

Douglas MacArthur

Only those are fit to live who are not afraid to die.
- Douglas MacArthur

Eddie Izzard

Peter was the one who said "I don't know him. I don't know him. I don't know him." cock-a-doodle-doo "Oh, HIM!"
- Eddie Izzard

Ayn Rand

"When I die, I hope to go to Heaven, whatever the Hell that is."
- Ayn Rand

Thomas Mann

"A solitary, unused to speaking of what he sees and feels, has mental experiences which are at once more intense and less articulate than those of a gregarious man."
- Thomas Mann

John F. Kennedy,

The Chinese use two brush strokes to write the word 'crisis.' One brush stroke stands for danger; the other for opportunity. In a crisis, be aware of the danger - but recognize the opportunity.
- John F. Kennedy,

Woody Allen

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
- Woody Allen

Mark Twain

April 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four.
- Mark Twain