Margaret Turnbull

No man is responsible for his father. That was entirely his mother's affair.
- Margaret Turnbull

Dick Cavett

If your parents never had children, chances are you won't either.
- Dick Cavett

Yul Brynner

"Girls have an unfair advantage over men: if they can't get what they want by being smart, they can get it by being dumb."
- Yul Brynner

Albert Brooks

Your spouse should be just attractive enough to barely turn you on. Anything more is trouble.
- Albert Brooks

Samuel Goldwyn

What we need are new clichés.
- Samuel Goldwyn

Tim Middleditch

A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.
- Tim Middleditch

Benjamin Franklin

Why does the blind man's wife paint herself?
- Benjamin Franklin

Gloria Leonard

The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
- Gloria Leonard

Oliver Wendell Holmes

Man has his will - but woman has her way.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes

Mae West

I used to be Snow White . . . but I drifted.
- Mae West

Eddie Izzard

So the American government lied to the Native Americans for many, many years, and then President Clinton lied about a relationship, and everyone was surprised! A little naive, I feel!
- Eddie Izzard

Bob Burlingame

How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you're on.
- Bob Burlingame

G. R. Ragsdale

Lord, give me patience . . . and hurry!
- G. R. Ragsdale

John Fitzgerald Kennedy

"There is always inequity in life. Some men are killed in a war and some men are wounded, and some men never leave the country, and some men are stationed in the Antarctic and some are stationed in San Francisco. It's very hard in military or in personal life to assure complete equality. Life is unfair."
- John Fitzgerald Kennedy

H L Mencken

The effort to reconcile science and religion is almost always made, not by theologians, but by scientists unable to shake off altogether the piety absorbed with their mother's milk.
-- H L Mencken

Zsa Zsa Gabor

A man in love is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

Mark Twain

Happiness ain't a thing in itself--it's only a contrast with something that ain't pleasant.
- Mark Twain

Barbara Stanwyck

Egotism - usually just a case of mistaken nonentity.
- Barbara Stanwyck

George Elliot

He was like a cock who thought the sun had risen to hear him crow.
- George Elliot

Franklin P. Jones

Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger.
- Franklin P. Jones

Henry A. Kissinger

No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy.
- Henry A. Kissinger

Pablo Picasso

I'd like to live as a poor man with lots of money.
- Pablo Picasso

William F. Buckley, Jr

"I mean to live my life an obedient man, but obedient to God, subservient to the wisdom of my ancestors; never to the authority of political truths arrived at yesterday at the voting booth."
- William F. Buckley, Jr

Gore Vidal

As societies grow decadent, the language grows decadent, too. Words are used to disguise, not to illuminate, action: you liberate a city by destroying it. Words are to confuse, so that at election time people will solemnly vote against their own interests.
-

C. S. Lewis

Don't use words too big for the subject. Don't say "infinitely" when you mean "very"; otherwise you'll have no word left when you want to talk about something really infinite.
- C. S. Lewis

P. J. O'Rourke

Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him with it much more effective.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Ayn Rand

A government is the most dangerous threat to man's rights: it holds a legal monopoly on the use of physical force against legally disarmed victims.
- Ayn Rand

Adlai Stevenson

America is much more than a geographical fact. It is a political and moral fact - the first community in which men set out in principle to institutionalize freedom, responsible government, and human equality.
- Adlai Stevenson

Abraham Lincoln

Common looking people are the best in the world: that is the reason the Lord makes so many of them.
- Abraham Lincoln

Lucius Annaeus Seneca

There is no delight in owning anything unshared.
- Lucius Annaeus Seneca

George Bernard Shaw

Democracy is a form of government that substitutes election by the incompetent many for appointment by the corrupt few.
- George Bernard Shaw